Category: Foodstuffs

Welcome Back To Columbus

The Civee and I spent the past week visiting my mother in Portland, Oregon.  In Portland, the weather is nice (categorized as nice by virtue of being above freezing), the landscape varied and the food choices/cultures abundant.

We returned to frigid Columbus today, and tired of our travelling, we decided to keep it simple and order pizza.  I called to have it delivered from a place that shall go nameless (*cough PAPAJOHNS *cough) and had the following conversation:

Him: Hello and thank you for calling — would you like to try the deluxesuperfamiliyvaluedealfortwentyfiveninetynine?

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Would you like to try the deluxe super family value deal for twenty five ninety-nine?

Me: What is included in that?

Him: Ummm…I’m not sure. Hold on a second.

Me: Nevermind.  I’ll have a large pie.

Him: We don’t sell pies, we sell pizzas.

Me: Ever hear of a pizza pie, chief?

Him: Oh. A large pizza.

Me: Yeah, half plain, half sausage peppers and onions.

Him: Sooo…on that one side, no cheese or sauce?

How tough is it to order a freakin’ pizza on a Saturday night?  A few days ago I was having this great Phở and now I have to convince a guy working at [CENSORED] that yes, I do want a pizza with cheese and tomato sauce.  Oh well, at least I didn’t have to order from Donatos.

King Tom3 Comments

Chicken for [Christmas] Dinner

Last night I had a dream in which I was on summer vacation, grilling some chicken.  A news report came over the radio announcing the Earth was being invaded by aliens. For the most part, these aliens meant no harm–but they were fixated on chicken. They wanted to eat all of the Earth’s chicken. As I stood there grilling my chicken, I was approached by a number of aliens who were dispatched thanks to my quick thinking and creative use of some garden implements.

Like I said, it was just a dream.

Well, this morning, The Civee and I were driving into work and listening to NPR (The Civee’s choice, not mine) and they ran a story about the Japanese Trend of chicken for Christmas dinner:

While eating chicken on Christmas is popular here, many may prefer to stick to a Japanese tradition that dates back to the 1970s: heading to the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken, where a set of roast chicken, cake, salad and a commemorative plate sells for 5,300 yen.

I’m already hoping to have a non-traditional turkey-less Thanksgiving. I wonder if this dream and subsequent news about Japanese Christmas traditions is a sign that I should consider grilling this Christmas.

King Tom1 Comment

A Holiday Recipe From King Tom

Ahoy!

In honor of the holiday tomorrow, I figure it’s time to share a recipe.  I made this last week, and it turned out pretty good.  Enjoy, mateys!

Pirate Pork Chops
(because they’re drunk and on a plank).
2-4 bone-in pork chops
1 bottle hard cider (I like Woodchuck Ale)
Marinate pork chops in cider for at least an hour.
1 cedar grilling plank
Soak plank in water for at least 25 minutes before cooking.
rub:
3 tablespoons kosher salt
4 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons black pepper
2 tablespoons smoked paprika (or pimenton)
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried tarragon
1/2 tablespoon cinnamon
Remove the porkchops from cider, pat dry and cover with the rub.
Place plank on grill and place porkchops on the plank.  Cook ten minutes per side.
You can also serve grilled apples (quartered and covered in brown sugar and cinnamon) along with the porkchops. Grill the apples for about 15 minutes. If there’s room on the plank, put them there, if not, they can go on the grill grate.

King Tom

The Grill of My Dreams

 

King Toms Weber Grill

 

As I mentioned last week, the old grill died.  

 

It wasn’t a painful death, just one rendering the old grill useless.  The handle broke off, which, at first, didn’t appear to be a problem. Until I realized that the handle was attached to the ‘shelf’ the grill grate rested on, meaning that unless I wanted to counter-balance the grate with a rock, the grate would remain slanted with one end in the air and the other in the fire.  No way to cook over hot coals.

So The Civee and I bit the bullet and invested in a genuine American Weber charcoal kettle grill (pictured).  And it’s completely revolutionized my grilling experience. 

The ventilation is perfect for cooking over flaming coals, with the air going up through the device, rather than from side-to-side.  Additionally, with a 24-inch diameter cooking surface, there’s plenty of room to do a main course, vegetables, and whatever else I want to throw on there.  And, most importantly, there’s space between the coals and the food (great if I want to throw something, like, say an artichoke down there).

So far in the two or so weeks we’ve had it, we’ve made chicken, pork, potatoes, corn, turkeyburgers, steak, salmon on a plank and porkchops on a plank.  

Cooking on the old grill was always fun, to an extent. But things would get crowded, or the heat would slowly die if I closed the top.  Now, I don’t have to worry, because here’s a grill that was designed to cook with a top on (revolutionary idea).

Now, if only the days weren’t getting shorter and the weather wasn’t getting colder, I’d have some more time to enjoy the new grill.

King Tom4 Comments

She May Not Look Like Much, But She's Got It Where It Counts

King Tom's GrillOn Memorial Day of aught-seven, The Civee and I were wasting time walking through Home Depot hen we saw a sale on grills. It was a good deal and we bought one, beginning an obsession which has taken up many a late evening over the last two summers.

I enjoy cooking. I’m not great at it, but as long as The Civee enjoys what the King is cooking (and from what I hear, she does), then I consider my efforts successful. In the cold months of the year, I’ll take my time in the kitchen preparing dinner–often with her help. But from April to September, I enjoy taking my time outside (again, with her help), and since we got the grill, I’ve learned to prepare whole meals (desserts included) on the grill.

However, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not a great grill. To wit:

  • It’s half-red.
  • The grates are waffle-patterened, and allow many a foodstuff to fall through.
  • The cooking area is small.
  • There’s not enough room between the coal and the grates for on-the-coal cooking.

But somehow, I’m attached to the grill.

All last summer, The Civee had to listen to me whine and moan about how much I wanted a real Weber grill. We even got a gift card to Home Depot for Christmas, which I said should be put toward the purchase of a new grill. After much prodding on my part, The Civee agreed, with the requirement that we but one when they’re on sale. So far, we haven’t seen one on sale and our purchase has remained on the back-burner.

But last week, The Civee had a change of heart, saying that we should just bite the bullet and get a new grill.  However, now, I’m not so sure. 

Maybe I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve been cooking as of late, or maybe I’ve inhaled too much smoke from the grill, but I’m content with what we have for now. We rent our place, and our grill is in a somewhat open area (our neighbors, who have not used their grill since we moved in, put their grill on the shared designated grill space) and I figure our little grill has gotten us this far, so why mess with a good thing?

So until we move, or the grill breaks, or I burn down the neighborhood, I’ll be preparing our summer meals on a little red grill with waffle grates.  Should be a fun rest of the summer.

King Tom

At least it’s just a loan

Earlier in the week, the State of Ohio agreed to give the Donatos “pizza” company a $2.9 million dollar loan to research quicker-rising pizza dough or something like that.

Now for those of you who aren’t from Columbus, take some ketchup, some white American cheese and a stale cracker, and you have a Donatos pizza. Honestly, it’s right up there with beef tounge as the worst thing I’ve ever eaten and the fact that they call it pizza pisses me off (they don’t slice it the right way, they don’t use the right kind of cheese and I’ve written term papers thicker than a Donatos pizza). There are only two good pizza places in Columbus (that I’ve been to), and Donatos definitely isn’t one of them.

King Tom