when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, vote for me, Senator Ka… Bob Dole

So today is Election Day.

Go out and vote.

I’m kind of supposed to say that.

I’m just glad it’s almost over. With what I have to do, I’ll be really glad when it’s over.

A few things bug me about this time of year:

-What’s with the yahoos who stand around on-ramps and intersections waving signs for candidates? Do they really think I’m going to vote for candidate Lipschitz just because I saw a bunch of people waving a sign of his as I was fighting traffic on my way home? Politicans definitely need to give voters more credit.

-Another thing I don’t like it the calls. In the past four days, I’ve gotten about 12 recorded phone calls, some from the same candidate. This just annoys me. And some times they’re not from a local candiate, but from a “famous” person, whose opinion should “matter to me.” I’ve gotten messages from John Glenn, Sherrod Brown and John Edwards (not the psychic guy, but the failed vice presidential candidate who didn’t know when to give up). Of these three, Edwards particularly annoys me- and it’s not much better when you have to hear his voice over the phone.

But I was also disappointed by the calls from Glenn and Brown, both of whom (in seperate calls) urged me to “end the culture of corruption in Columbus.” Both of them should know better- especially because:

a) they fought against similar proposals when their party was in power
b) these issues don’t have anything to do with “corruption,” but trying to make up for the fact that they’re not happy with the way the last few elections have turned out

It really frustrates me how stupid they think we are.

Anyway, that’s enough political talk for me. This political moment was brought to you for the King Tom for King Kingatorial Committee.

By the way, I never thought Rivers would do an interview with Elle Girl magazine, but:
Page 1 Page 2

King Tom

I did it for the cookie

I’m a regular at my local Red Cross. Maybe I should have started off by saying that I give blood regularly. Saying “I’m a regular at my local Red Cross” makes me sound like some junkie vampire.

Anyway, they like me there. I have good veins and I bleed quickly. And as tough as the whole needle-in-the-arm thing is, I go as often as I can. For the most part, the people there are nice. But there’s this one guy, who staffs the cookie and juice area who’s kind of pushy.

I’m sure he means well, but he tries forcing you into setting an appointment that day for some future date. And after that, he has to tell you about his Corvette. The usual conversation goes something like this:

Him: “Let me show you my car….See? There it is! That grey car”
Me: “Yeah…”
Him: “That’s a Corvette, you know”
Me: “Oh..the lights on the back”
Him: “It’s five years old- only has 40,000 miles”
Me: “Really?”
Him: “Well, I only drive it when the weather’s nice….Leather interior….not a scratch”

And he goes on and on. And it’s the same conversation every single time. So today, I figured I’d see if I could make it interesting:

Him: “Let me show you my car…See? There it is! That grey car”
Me: “That corvette over there?”
Him: “Oh yes! You like corvettes?”
Me: “Um…my ex-stepfather had one” (true statement)
Him: “Really? Lucky man!”
Me: “He tried running me over with it once “(not-so-true statement)
Him: “Well, mine’s five years old- only has 40,000 miles…I only drive it when the weather’s nice….Leather interior….not a scratch”

Nice to know he sticks to the script. At that point, I left with my cookies.

King Tom6 Comments

And it’s hard to hold a candle…

Some things about today:

-It rained for most of the day. When I left work for lunch, it wasn’t raining heavily, but it was one of those things I was thinking about- and as I stepped outside, for some reason, I had November Rain in my head. And I was just about to start singing it when I noticed there were people around. So I kept my mouth shut.

-Even more embarassing than what I almost did: Al Sharpton’s latest entry into the annals of Great American Discourse. If you’re too lazy to click, the challenger in the New York City mayoral race has unveiled his latest commercial: Al Sharpton dancing. Yup, that’s it.

I don’t know who to feel sorry for, Sharpton, the loser he’s attempting to campaign for, or New York television viewers who have to watch Sharpton shake it. At least the Reverend isn’t wearing one of those purple sweatsuits he used to wear.

-Picked up the Revenge of the Sith DVD today. Haven’t really watched much, but there is one good sign: No Ben Burtt on audio commentary. I’m sure Burtt’s a nice guy and he’s definitely great at what he does, but I’d rather listen to Jethro Tull than Burtt on an audio commentary. He just yammers on about how he came up with sounds while other people are trying to contribute to plot points. Did we really need to know that he got a sound from a three legged dog in April 1973 while George Lucas is trying to talk about Vader being Luke Skywalker’s father?

At least there’s no Burtt commentary to the Sharpton commercial, I guess.

King Tom

Best Album Ever…well, if it happened

From a Ben Folds interview in NME about Bill Shatner’s Has Been:

Q: Is it true you were close to working with Bill Clinton?

A: Oh yeah! Shatner called him on the phone and he called right back and then Shatner calls me and he said ‘Benny, I just talked to the president!’ He was so excited! Clinton said he was interested in doing it but said, ‘Just don’t make me sound like shit!’ But we took longer to get into production by about six months and then the election season was coming up, so we couldn’t make it happen. I wanted Weezer to come in and play the track and then I wanted Clinton in a booth with Shatner and have it go down all at once.

As it is, Has Been is a solid album that I can get behind. But if the Weez (not to mention the other guest mentioned) had been on board, well that would have just been super cres.

Also, I just finished an article (more like a rant, but oh well) for B. Vaughn’s the Morning Toast. Check it out here.

King Tom

Whoomp, There It Is

So I’m back from a trip out to NJ for the wedding of one of the Civee’s cousins. It was a nice trip, and as an added bonus, I got to see my father.

But while driving through Bedminster NJ, I came across a building with no identification other than this:

THE World Headquarters

Well, rest assured. It’s THE World Headquarters. And it’s in Bedminster New Jersey. I never would have guessed that. But now you know.

Other things:

-The worst thing about the drive to New Jersey/New York is Pennsylvania- five hours of mountains bereft of any civilization. If it were up to me, I’d take out Pennsylvania, put it somewhere on the West Coast as a runway of sorts to Hawaii and zip up the borders of Ohio and NJ.

-To all DJs out there: Know your audience. I swear this DJ actually said “We’re going to play two more Latin songs before some regular music.” Thing is, during these songs, there was no one on the floor. No one at this wedding was looking to do the salsa or merengue.

Mmmmmm…salasa meringue.

King Tom

24: The show that breeds weezer video guest stars

First Clöhe, now this:

(from mtv):

[about weezer’s upcoming video for Perfect Situation] according to Weezer’s label, Geffen Records, the role will be played by none other than “24” star Elisha Cuthbert, who might not have the musical chops for the role, but, well, is plenty hot.

Who’s next? George Mason as the backup voice in the This is Such a Pity video? Jack Bauer as the titular role in You’re My Best Friend? Dennis Hopper as the person who holds Rivers in Hold Me?

King Tom

Blank Slate

Haven’t been on here lately because of my computer. Had some kind of virus/system error and got a new hard drive. Took a while to reinstall Windows, but now I’m back up and running, which may or may not be a good thing.

Anyways, it looks like the U.S. Air Force is benefitting from some visitors from the 23rd century:

http://aimpoints.hq.af.mil/display.cfm?id=7223

Engineers here are testing a new kind of transparent armor — stronger and lighter than traditional materials — that could stop armor-piercing weapons from penetrating vehicle windows.
The Air Force Research Laboratory’s materials and manufacturing directorate is testing aluminum oxynitride — ALONtm …

Transparent aluminum? Isn’t that what Bones and Scotty gave to that engineer guy so they could bring the humpback whales back to the future?

We’re gonna have a time paradox on our hands here if someone’s not careful.

King Tom

The name is Bond. Jabroni Bond.

So Pierce is out.

I’m not sure that’s a good move. And I’m not sure replacing him with some unknown serious actor is a good move, either.

The other two times they hired unknowns- Connery, Lazenby, it worked out well. Solid actors, for the most part- just too bad Lazenby got an ego trip and couldn’t stick around.

But the last time they hired a “serious actor,” Dalton’s two movies were train wrecks. They hired Brosnan, who helped resurrect the franchise and now they’re tossing him like a bag of moldy tangerines. It’s like the producers have the Lazenby syndrome.

I’m willing to be wrong, but they’re going to have to pull a rabbit out of Odd Job’s hat for this one to work.

And in his immortal words:

“aah-hah.”

King Tom5 Comments

I don’t think anyone does

So the other night, the Civee and I were at Damon’s, simultaneously watching the Yankees and Bengals games. Iron Mike was possibly going to join us, and even though there were a few hours until closing, and the place wasn’t all that full, I had a feeling the waitress wanted to be somewhere else:

Waitress: So your friend, is he still coming?
Me: That’s what he says.
Waitress: Is he going to eat with you guys?
Me: I’m not really sure.
Waitress: He sounds very mysterious.
Me: Well, he is. He lives out in the ether.
Waitress: I’m not from Columbus. I don’t know where that is.

King Tom