Bizarro WrestleMania

So I caught WrestleMania 24 tonight, and while I can’t say it was a great WrestleMania, I can’t say it was bad, either. It was just weird.

The show started off interesting, with a fun geriatric hardcore match, and an entertaining Money In The Bank Ladder Match. The MITB match was fun, had some insane spots and told a great story, with the right guy, CM Punk, snatching the briefcase dangling over the ring while Chris Jericho dangled upside-down from another ladder while Punk celebrated.

The Ric Flair-Shawn Michaels foregone conclusion match was also a great bout. Michaels seemingly impaled himself with a moonsault on the Raw announce table, but kept fighting. Michaels and Flair pulled out all the stops, with Michaels hitting three or four superkicks (all from different angles/locations) before getting the pin and ending Flair’s career.

And then it got weird.

Flair waved to the fans, hugged his family and walked up the (extraordinarily long) ramp. He waved once again and walked behind the video screen. That was it. No mic time for the Nature Boy to say goodbye (even after his induction into the HOF last night, some extra mic time might have been nice).

Following that was the ladies match, which was more annoying than anything. In the middle of that match, the lights went out. That was pretty much the most exciting thing to happen in that 15-minute span.

The weirdness continued, with the Orton/Cena/Triple H title match following that one. The match was a real good one for a triple threat match, but it was bizarre that it wasn’t the last match. The ending was abrubt though, which Triple H getting Orton in some bizarre figure-three leglock, then giving a pedigree to Cena, then Orton ruining the pin and covering Cena himself. I was a bit surprised Orton won, and even more surprised at the finish.

Even though it was the most hyped match of the night, the Big Show-Floyd Mayweather bout didn’t interest me much. Still, Mayweather played up to the crowd and it wasn’t a surprise he won (even if he did have to use a foreign object to do so). It was fun, however, to see him and his entourage get beaten up.

Finally, the Undertaker won the championship (one of them) from Edge, in a dramatic match. It was a good solid match, which saw Undertaker win with some type of choke-submission. But it wasn’t the kind of match to blow you away.

So there you have it. No blood. No Austin. No Rock. A lot of weirdness and a few things to laugh about. That was WrestleMania 24.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Today = WrestleMania

Tomorrow = Opening Day

For a few years in a row now, it’s been like this. WrestleMania on a Sunday, Opening Day (for the Yankees at least) a few days later. Winter is over, the days are longer, and baseball is indeed back. The world needs a name for when this confluence of awesomeness occurs. I suggest The Days of Greatness.

Now if only the weather in central Ohio would be a little more spring-like, we’d be in great shape. Happy Days of Greatness everybody!

Maybe El Guapo Was On To Something

Yesterday, I had this great idea for a blog post. Only thing was, my Web host was experiencing problems, so I couldn’t post this. So do me a favor, as you read this, pretend its yesterday, and this might be entertaining after all.

On a daily basis, I check dictionary.com’s Word of the Day. Today’s word was plethora, a word I’m familiar with, but I wasn’t so familiar with plethora’s primary meaning;

plethora \PLETH-uh-ruh\, noun:
1. An abnormal bodily condition characterized by an excessive amount of blood in the system.
2. Excess; superabundance.

dictionary.com Word of the Day, March 24, 2008

Plethora is a fun word to use. One of the reasons is because of an exchange from the film ¡Three Amigos! between the infamous El Guapo and Jefe;

Jefe: We have many beautiful piñatas for your birthday celebration, each one filled with little surprises!
El Guapo: How many piñatas?
Jefe: Many piñatas, many!
El Guapo: Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?
Jefe: A what?
El Guapo: A plethora.
Jefe: Oh yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe: Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo: Well, you just told me that I had a plethora, and I would just like to know if you know what it means to have a plethora. I would not like to think that someone would tell someone else he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe: El Guapo, I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

Turns out, all this time, the joke was on me because I didn’t know the true meaning of plethora.

By the way, the Three Amigos had me quite frustrated at the Internet Movie Database. I spent a plethora (def. #2) of time searching the IMDB for “The Three Amigos” only to come up with something else.

Attention-Grabbing Advertising

The other day, I was reading through the New York newspapers online, checking up on Yankees news. I was going through the Newsday Web site, when an ad they were running caught my eye. The page looked like this:

a Web page

In case you can’t see it from there, let me zoom in for you:

Your mom is here.

First question: How do they know?

Second question: The federal government is spending our money on your mom jokes?

I have to admit, while I ignore most ads on the Web, I actually looked at this one.

It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

When I used to work writing for a cable news channel Web site, one of the more interesting parts of my job was writing headlines for news stories. It was one of the areas where I was allowed to get creative. I figured if a headline entertained me, or made me think, people would be more likely to click and read the story.

I would have killed to have this story, from the Washington Post, with what has to be the best.headline.ever:

Skywalkers In Korea Cross Han Solo

update/edit: I’m an idiot. I didn’t notice that this was from last year. But I still think it’s funny.

The Great One Gets Called Out

In a recent interview, current wrestling star John Cena blasts the Great One:

“At one point Rock loved wrestling and wanted to do this all his life. So explain to me why he can’t come back. Simply put it’s because he wants to be an actor and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“He’s very good and very successful. Associating with sports entertainment doesn’t do much for his acting career — I get it. Just don’t f*** me around and tell me that you love this. That’s the only thing that gets me really p***ed off.
-from The Sun

I have to say I actually agree with Cena here. I’m a huge fan of the Rock–the man came from nowhere and carried the WWF on his back for two years as injuries, egomaniacal wrestlers and poorly executed storylines made most of the rest of what the fed was putting on the air unwatchable. The Rock could bring it both in the ring and on the microphone. He certainly has the skills and charisma to be an action hero. And he’s had a much better film career than Hulk Hogan. But has he reallly become the big star that he wants to be?

It’s been tough for wrestling, but the past few years have shown that the WWF/E can survive without The Rock or Stone Cold. But can The Rock really survive without wrestling? Possibly. But it wouldn’t be as entertaining for the audience.

A Culinary Tip From The King

Tonight, I was making salmon for dinner. The recipe called for some white wine. We didn’t have any. After searching the fridge, I found half a bottle of Boone’s Farm Apple Blossom wine (the Civee enjoys wine coolers every now and then).

Rather than being a “white” wine, the Boone’s was a shade of green. But it had many of the other critical elements of the wine ingredient, so I used it. And the salmon was pretty tasty, with a hint of sweet apple.

So take it from the King- you can substitute Boone’s for normal wine. But if you’re not in college, you may have a tough time explaning what the bottle of Boone’s is doing in your fridge.

Bye-Bye Beardo

The beard that I started six months ago in Canada is gone.

It was fun, but it just got annoying. I was at work the other day, rubbing the side of my face and I thought to myself “I want my face back.” So last night, I ditched the beard. It was fun, and I might go back to it at some time in the future. But for now, I’ll be beard-free for the forseeable future.

Of course, this means I have to go through the drudgery of shaving on a regular basis, one of the reasons that I grew the thing to begin with.

Let's Roll

Yesterday, for the first time in years, I went bowling. It was the Civee’s idea for something to do on a cold and dreary day (which we’ve been having a lot of lately). We had fun (and it would have been fun for me even if I hadn’t won both games). But I don’t know how this is possible–I’m out of bowling shape.

I never would have thought the act of rolling a 12-pound sphere down a 60-foot lane would seem weird to me, but when I got up there, I didn’t know what to do. I used to bowl every week in high school, and kept it up in college, but the last time I’d gone was probably three years ago. Not only was my form way off, but I’m sore today.

I think I have to bowl more often. Then maybe I wouldn’t have trouble cracking 100 like I did yesterday.

The Hulkster's New Job

Last night, as mostly everyone else in Columbus was watching something else, The Civee and I were watching the new American Gladiators, hosted by Hulk Hogan.

Overall, it was an interesting show. Hogan needs to learn some new metaphors and lighten up on the use of superlatives, but was very entertaining as the host and main interviewer. In fact, I would have liked to have heard more from Hogan instead of having him interview the contestants before and after each event.

My biggest complaint about the show was the disembodied voice of the play-by-play announcer. If they’re not going to have the Hulkster do play-by-play, they should bring back Mike Adamley and Larry Czonka from Gladiators classic, because the eerie unseen announcer is just horrible.

The new generation of gladiators is pretty much what you’d expect–bodybuilders with muscles growing out of their muscles. The show might be a bit more entertaining if, instead of having the contestants compete against the gladiators, you had contestants compete against out-of-work wrestlers. Joe the accountant should joust against Brutus the Barber Beefcake. And Ed the dog catcher should run the gauntlet against Tito Santana, the Honky Tonk Man and King Kong Bundy. Now that would pop some ratings.

The most impressive thing about last night’s show though was the women. I don’t mean the gladiators, but the actual contestants. When it came down to the eliminator, both men took more than three minutes to complete it, taking up a lot of time on the reverse treadmill. But the women put them to shame, with the winner taking off running and not stopping and even the loser beating the time of both men.

But still, the show needs more Hogan. And if this were a wrestling show, you wouldn’t be hearing me say that.