The Hulkster's New Job

Last night, as mostly everyone else in Columbus was watching something else, The Civee and I were watching the new American Gladiators, hosted by Hulk Hogan.

Overall, it was an interesting show. Hogan needs to learn some new metaphors and lighten up on the use of superlatives, but was very entertaining as the host and main interviewer. In fact, I would have liked to have heard more from Hogan instead of having him interview the contestants before and after each event.

My biggest complaint about the show was the disembodied voice of the play-by-play announcer. If they’re not going to have the Hulkster do play-by-play, they should bring back Mike Adamley and Larry Czonka from Gladiators classic, because the eerie unseen announcer is just horrible.

The new generation of gladiators is pretty much what you’d expect–bodybuilders with muscles growing out of their muscles. The show might be a bit more entertaining if, instead of having the contestants compete against the gladiators, you had contestants compete against out-of-work wrestlers. Joe the accountant should joust against Brutus the Barber Beefcake. And Ed the dog catcher should run the gauntlet against Tito Santana, the Honky Tonk Man and King Kong Bundy. Now that would pop some ratings.

The most impressive thing about last night’s show though was the women. I don’t mean the gladiators, but the actual contestants. When it came down to the eliminator, both men took more than three minutes to complete it, taking up a lot of time on the reverse treadmill. But the women put them to shame, with the winner taking off running and not stopping and even the loser beating the time of both men.

But still, the show needs more Hogan. And if this were a wrestling show, you wouldn’t be hearing me say that.

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