Jack-Jack Attack!

Tonight, one of the few TV shows I make it a point to watch, Alias, has it’s fifth season premier. And while for now, I find Lost to be a more compelling show, Alias still has some great characters, especially Jack Bristow, played by Victor Garber.

I’ve been thinking about this, and this Jack has a lot in common with another similarly named character, 24’s Jack Bauer. The crack research staff at the King Tom Institute for Television Awareness have been combing through old shows and have put the following chart togetether. As Warner Wolf would say, “let’s go to the videotape!”

(Continued on the click-through for those of you who don’t want to be spoiled by various 24 or Alias plot points)

Category Jack Bristow Jack Bauer
Age 50’s 40’s
Employment Central Intelligence Agency. Formerly an undercover agent inside the SD-6 terrorist organization. Counter-Terrorism Unit. Formerla an undercover agent inside the Salazar Brothers’ drug cartel
Family Wife, Laura/Irina, believed killed in the early 80’s, later revealed to be alive, until Jack assassinated her, which wasn’t really her.
Daughter, Sydney, late 20’s, also a spy.
Wife, Terri, killed while Jack was trying to take down Victor Drazen, Daughter, Kim, early 20’s, notorious dullard
Betrayed by Wife, who was a KGB spy. Co-worker and one time fling, Nina, who was a CTU mole working for an unnamed European intelligence agency
Chemical Dependency While in a delusional state, injected himself with experimental drugs to overcome radiation poisioning. Became addicted to heroin while undercover with the Salazars.
Kills Frequently Frequently
Torture Does it for fun. Does it for fun, to impress the ladies
Protective of Daughter Daughter, President David Palmer
Attitude toward authority figures Worked against friend Arvin Sloane to undermine SD-6, frequently goes off-book to get results. Tranqued boss George Mason to get information, otherwise frequently goes off-book to get results.
Even Nostradamus has heart attacks To get a suicide bomber to talk, Jack choked the guy, killing him, then brought him back to life. It worked. To get Jack to talk, goons killed him, then brought him back to life. It didn’t work.
May I marry your daughter? To Suitor #2: It would be best if you killed your tratiorious wife and disposed of her remains first. To Suitor #3: I know I shot you earlier today, but I really need to chop off your hand. Now where’s me axe?
Place of residence 1930’s style hotel-apartment. Also has numerous storage facilities with military grade weapons, millions of dollars and possibly personal nuclear weapons. Formerly a subdivision. Later, a bachelor pad.
Parenting style Brainwashed daughter at the age of six to ensure she would be a kick-ass spy. Talked Kim through shooting an assailant over the phone.

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