I did it for the cookie

I’m a regular at my local Red Cross. Maybe I should have started off by saying that I give blood regularly. Saying “I’m a regular at my local Red Cross” makes me sound like some junkie vampire.

Anyway, they like me there. I have good veins and I bleed quickly. And as tough as the whole needle-in-the-arm thing is, I go as often as I can. For the most part, the people there are nice. But there’s this one guy, who staffs the cookie and juice area who’s kind of pushy.

I’m sure he means well, but he tries forcing you into setting an appointment that day for some future date. And after that, he has to tell you about his Corvette. The usual conversation goes something like this:

Him: “Let me show you my car….See? There it is! That grey car”
Me: “Yeah…”
Him: “That’s a Corvette, you know”
Me: “Oh..the lights on the back”
Him: “It’s five years old- only has 40,000 miles”
Me: “Really?”
Him: “Well, I only drive it when the weather’s nice….Leather interior….not a scratch”

And he goes on and on. And it’s the same conversation every single time. So today, I figured I’d see if I could make it interesting:

Him: “Let me show you my car…See? There it is! That grey car”
Me: “That corvette over there?”
Him: “Oh yes! You like corvettes?”
Me: “Um…my ex-stepfather had one” (true statement)
Him: “Really? Lucky man!”
Me: “He tried running me over with it once “(not-so-true statement)
Him: “Well, mine’s five years old- only has 40,000 miles…I only drive it when the weather’s nice….Leather interior….not a scratch”

Nice to know he sticks to the script. At that point, I left with my cookies.

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6 thoughts on “I did it for the cookie

  1. When I was in college, the Toledo Blade would call every freaking day to try and get me to subscribe.

    At first, there were two reasons I didn’t subscribe:
    a.) The paper sucks, and
    b.) Money spent on newspapers is less money spent on beer.

    Eventually, I added c.) their constant phone calls were really annoying.

    Anyway, one day the conversation went like this:
    “Hi, this is so-and-so from the Blade. How are you today?”
    “Terrible.” (A lie.)
    “Why, what happened?”
    “My dog just got hit by a car.” (A lie.)
    “Is he okay?”
    “No, he’s dead.”
    “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Have you considered a subscription to the Blade?”

    Hey, if it was 100% Peach Section, I’d be in.

  2. Ahh, fun with telemarketer-types. Is there anything more wholesome, or anything more American? I think it would be a tight race.

    I’ve always wanted to invite a Jehovah’s Witness in to my home and sit cordially before pulling out a bong and asking them if they want a hit. Never done it, though. You should try that with the Red Cross cat, King Tom. When he starts talking to you, pull out a joint and asking him if he wants a toke. That would be pretty funny, especially coming from you.

  3. When I first knew King Tom, he was adamantly opposed to giving blood. He’d talk about how squimish he (still) is. So I give him credit for not just giving but being a regular.

    However, why he has to pick on old men at the bloodbank is beyond me.

  4. King Tom… I think you need to do some color correcting on the blog here. i put a couple of links in my previous post and they show up almost the same color blue as the background. Unless of course it’s just a Mac thing, which I highly doubt. Come on, Mr. Web… wassamattawithyou????

  5. djl: I used to tell the Dispatch I got the paper for free at work. Now I tell them that I don’t read the news, I make the news.

    The Levy #1: This or this is how I’d respond to a witness knocking on my door

    The Civee: I’m an equal opportunity picker-onner.

    The Levy #2: It’s your computer. Looks fine on all the computers I’ve tried it on. Get a real computer 🙂

    But fear not…I’m working on a new layout. Well, I’m not the one doing most of the work. But something new will happen soon.

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