Author: King Tom

If You're Going to the Ohio State Fair

Do yourselves a favor and get a porkburger (or as they call it, “The Other Burger”).  Easily beats the pants off of corn dogs, turkey legs, ears of corn, funnel cakes or any other type of fair food.

Had to work there again for a few days this year, and it was a bit underwhelming.  There wasn’t a governor going down the giant slide, nor was a woman asking me to get her dying husband into the free Grand Funk concert.

But considering it’s been hot and is supposed to get hotter, I’m glad my fair days are over for this year.

King Tom3 Comments

The Gateway Drug

The computer on which I write entries for the Kingdom and do most of my Web surfing is a six-year-old Gateway model running Windows XP.  Only in the past year has it started to like it’s slowing down, and sometime in the next year or so, The Civee and I would like to get a new computer.

As hinted at yesterday, I have tremendous product loyalty.  I’m not stupid, I just follow the brands that are good to me.  Since the early 90s, I’ve had two Gateways of my own, as well as the use of my parents and siblings computers, all Gateways.  And I’ve never had a problem with the machines. 

One of the most enjoyable aspects of getting my current computer was customizing what I wanted in the box, and anxiously awaiting its delivery.

Every now and then, with the prospect of a new computer on the horizon, I’ll go to Gateway’s Web site and play around with the options.   But when I went to the site today, something was different- you couldn’t play around.  Gateway has changed to an indirect sales company. Last year, Gateway was acquired by another computer manufacturer, and I guess this is the first sign of a major change under the new ownership.

The company’s computers are still offered through other outlets (like Costco the Great), but without being able to customize, it’s just not the same.  With the change in ownership, this isn’t really surprising, but rather, disappointing.

Now, I’m actually considering changing brands when it is time to go computer shopping. Does anyone out there have any computer brands they reccomend? 

Two caveats:

I don’t trust HP desktops, mostly because I’ve always found Compaqs useless.

And I’m not sure I trust Dell either, ever since Rivers Cuomo started keeping score:

King Tom

You'd Hate For The Kids To Think You Lost Your Cuil

This morning while riding into work with The Civee, a report came on NPR about this new search engine launched today by former Google employees (while The Civee and I drive in to work everyday, we don’t really listen to NPR that often–or as often as The Civee would like).

We started a discussion about whether another search engine could supplant Google both functionally and culturally.  I argued no, saying that Google was simple, quick and easy to use.  But The Civee chose to take a different approach, calling me out for my “blind loyalty” and saying it was possible for a search engine to be better than Google.

Not wanting to be accused of being closed minded, I tried out the new search engine, called Cuil.  I have to admit I was unimpressed.

First of all, the search results come back in a table format (rather than a list).  With the page title, a paragraph and sometimes an image coming back with the results, I didn’t know what to check out first.  Also, many of the search results were repeated, which was annoying.  Cuil presents itself as the search engine for the next decade. But last time I checked, we’re still in the aughts and people still like lists.

However, rather than a misplaced sense of time, Cuil’s biggest offense is what it leaves out.  After googling, I’m sorry, Cuil-ing (is that even a word) King Tom’s Kingdom, I got 0 results. Cuil claims to have an index of 120 billion Web pages.  I think the Kingdom is a little more prominent than the 120,000,000,001th page on the Web, don’t you think?

King Tom

No Soup For King Tom!

No Soup For You!The other day, I was thinking of how to spend my daily “Hour of Me.” I decided to hit up a new place in downtown Columbus, “The Original Soup Man.”

The “Original Soup Man” is a chain started by the real life Soup Nazi, the guy who inspired the classic Seinfeld episode of the same name. The Columbus location just opened recently.  As I walked up, two signs were clear on the outside window, one listing the eight-or-so soups on hand that day, and another listing the rules: Know what you want, order promptly, step to the left and have your money handy.

After reading the outside listing of soups and the rules, I settled on Jambalaya (if it was good enough for Newman, it was good enough for me).  But when I stepped inside the restaurant, things were different.

First of all, for a place designed to hold 30-40 people, it had about 20 employees milling about.  Secondly, there was a menu on the wall that had a lot more than soup. 

The restaurant offered smoothies, sandwiches, salads and yes, soup.  There was this annoying voice in my head saying “soup’s not a meal” and I took a minute, standing by the back of the store to consider getting something in addition to soup.

Hello NewmanWhen I finally settled on a soup and sandwich combo, I stepped up and an employee with a notepad took my order. I was stymied when she asked what kind of bread I wanted it on, and what kind of fruit I wanted.  I eventually figured out what she was asking (again, a lot more complicated than it needs to be for a place specializing in soup) and stepped to the left to await my lunch.

The chicken sandwich was meh.  Entirely forgettable.  The soup, on the other hand, was spectacular.  While I’ve had better jambalaya (it helps that my mother’s side of the family is from Louisiana), the quality and taste of the soup was among the best I’ve ever had in a restaurant.  I don’t think I expected to get soup that good from a lunchtime restaurant.  Say what you will about the Soup Nazi’s business practices, but the man makes a fine cup of jambalaya.

As I sat there with my empty tray, thinking about how next time, I’ll just go for a bowl (because soup of this quality is a meal), I noticed something was missing.  I didn’t get any fruit.  Was this in retaliation for my slow ordering?  Or was it because I didn’t like the sandwich.  I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m becoming George.

At least they didn’t tell me not to come back for another year.

King Tom

She May Not Look Like Much, But She's Got It Where It Counts

King Tom's GrillOn Memorial Day of aught-seven, The Civee and I were wasting time walking through Home Depot hen we saw a sale on grills. It was a good deal and we bought one, beginning an obsession which has taken up many a late evening over the last two summers.

I enjoy cooking. I’m not great at it, but as long as The Civee enjoys what the King is cooking (and from what I hear, she does), then I consider my efforts successful. In the cold months of the year, I’ll take my time in the kitchen preparing dinner–often with her help. But from April to September, I enjoy taking my time outside (again, with her help), and since we got the grill, I’ve learned to prepare whole meals (desserts included) on the grill.

However, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not a great grill. To wit:

  • It’s half-red.
  • The grates are waffle-patterened, and allow many a foodstuff to fall through.
  • The cooking area is small.
  • There’s not enough room between the coal and the grates for on-the-coal cooking.

But somehow, I’m attached to the grill.

All last summer, The Civee had to listen to me whine and moan about how much I wanted a real Weber grill. We even got a gift card to Home Depot for Christmas, which I said should be put toward the purchase of a new grill. After much prodding on my part, The Civee agreed, with the requirement that we but one when they’re on sale. So far, we haven’t seen one on sale and our purchase has remained on the back-burner.

But last week, The Civee had a change of heart, saying that we should just bite the bullet and get a new grill.  However, now, I’m not so sure. 

Maybe I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve been cooking as of late, or maybe I’ve inhaled too much smoke from the grill, but I’m content with what we have for now. We rent our place, and our grill is in a somewhat open area (our neighbors, who have not used their grill since we moved in, put their grill on the shared designated grill space) and I figure our little grill has gotten us this far, so why mess with a good thing?

So until we move, or the grill breaks, or I burn down the neighborhood, I’ll be preparing our summer meals on a little red grill with waffle grates.  Should be a fun rest of the summer.

King Tom

A Pox On Me

Earlier this week, I had a few bumps on my legs, which I thought were mosquito bites.  They changed slightly over the week to something resembling poison ivy.  Considering the fact that the last time I had poison ivy, I had a rash over 90 percent of my body that was headed for my windpipe, I thought it would be a good idea to seek medical advice.

Turns out I don’t have poison ivy, but instead, chicken pox. 

I’ve already had chicken pox. In fact, I had it during the Carter administration. So that whole “you can’t get chicken pox twice” thing is a lie.

While everyone else will be enoying their three-day weekend, I’ll be spending mine covered in benadryl cream trying not to itch.

Why do I always get these weird skin conditions over holiday weekends?

King Tom

Come for the Furniture, Stay for the Meatballs

For the past few months, The Civee has been bugging me to go to the new IKEA store that opened up in Cincinnati.

IKEA meatballsShe had gone there a few times on her own, but wanted me to go along in case we wanted to make any furniture purchases. Last weekend, we were in Cincinnati visiting relatives and had some extra time, so we stopped by Ikea.

I have to say the place actually made furniture buying interesting. The prices were decent, and the furniture was actually nice. But what made the place totally worth the trip was the meatballs.  The Civee had told me that while shopping, we could get some metaballs, which I envisioned as getting two Swedish Meatballs with a toothpick off a tray somewhere.  But no, this was much more.  Not some toothpick-stuck meatballs on a greasy napkin, but the promise of a full meal.

There’s a full-scale cafeteria in the middle of the store, with plenty of menu options.  I got the meatballs, with a side of mashed potatoes and jam.  For like five bucks. And it was damn good. There were a bunch of other items on the menu (Gravlax, half-chicken, Prime Rib) that I intend to try on future trips to Ikea.

For the first time in my life, I’m actually looking forward to going furniture shopping.  The Swedish are really on to something there with this food-in-the-middle-of-the-store concept.  Who knows, if IKEA had been around when my parents took the younger King Tom furniture shopping, I might not have been such a bratty kid.

King Tom4 Comments

Turbo Boost Probably Not Included

When I was a kid, my dream car was KITT.  Who wouldn’t want a car that can jump over other cars, drive itself and talk back to you?

A few months from now, I can plop down $270 and bring my childhood dream close to reality with a Knight Rider-themed GPS unit, featuring the voice of KITT, William Daniels.

From autoblog.com:

The Knight Rider-themed GPS unit has voice prompts recorded by the one-and-only William Daniels, the original voice of KITT, and asks cordially “Hello Michael, where do you want to go today?” when powered up. The LCD display is also flanked by a series of red LEDs reminiscent of KITT’s nose-mounted lights.

It’s a cool idea, but I won’t be getting one. I’ve never really had a need for a GPS unit.  Although, if it could give an ’04 Civic turbo boost and a molecular bonded shell, I might have to re-think that.

King Tom

Attack of the Gives-You-The-Runs Tomatoes

The Civee and I went to have lunch at a nearby place we frequent.  One of their specials on Sundays is usually a BLT with Chicken Lemon Rice soup.  But today, it was different. The Chicken Lemon Rice soup was served with a “Bacon and lettuce sandwich.”

Ew.

If you’ve been to a restaurant or grocery store recently, you may have noticed a lack of fresh tomatoes on sale or used in dishes.

Turns out, some salmonella-tainted tomatoes grown in two states have made some people sick and started a nationwide scare resulting in most food merchants ceasing the use of fresh tomatoes all together.  But the FDA lists 46 states, countries, or provinces that are sources of safe tomatoes.  Regardless, most vendors are overreacting and pulling tomatoes from everything for fear of being sued by someone who just happens to get an upset tummy and decides to place the blame on the store or restaurant being irresponsible.

While at lunch a few days ago, I was talking with someone in the produce distribution business. He said the problem wasn’t in the tomatoes, but in the way restaurants handled them. If there’s some e. coli or salmonella on a fruit or vegetable, it can be removed by washing it.  But a lot of places don’t wash their produce properly.

So for the next few weeks, until all settles down, things at restaurants will taste different. The true victims of this outbreak are those of us who enjoy fresh tomatoes.

 

King Tom