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So I didn’t see that coming.
Continue reading “And then there was Bernard” →

I used to be one of those little umbrella people.

Whenever it would rain, I’d have a compact umbrella handy for the four-plus block walk from the parking lot through other parking lots to the building I work in.

My last umbrella was the Ultimate Umbrella from Eddie Bauer, which proved to be anything but ultimate. A not-so-strong gust of wind bent the umbrella’s stem at a 90-degree angle my first day of using it.

Last month ago, in the wake of the wedding, I got a bonus wedding present from my father: a big umbrella (okay, he left it in the back of my car).

I have to say, it’s amazing walking around with this thing. It’s like I have my own eco-system. And unlike Eddie Bauer’s ultimate umbrella, this thing won’t break because of a little whisper of wind.

But if it was Jack Bauer’s ultimate umbrella, it would not just repel rain, but it would also blow up random bad guys at will.

When I dream, I come up with great marketing gimmicks.

The other night, I was dreaming that I was watching the Food Network and Huey Lewis was hosting a cooking show.

The name of that show:

Huey Lewis and the Food

Because it’s getting colder, I’ve started wearing my winter coat.

The last time I wore it was probably in March or April. The coat has a buttload of pockets-I’m constantly finding new pockets and losing things in them (in fact, I almost lost an engagement ring at a critical moment thanks to the abundance of pockets).

So as I was wearing my coat, I started going through the pockets and was amazed by what I found:

-A brochure from St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York (from a trip in November ’04)
-A lunch receipt from February 2005
-A UPS shipping receipt from January 2006
-A ticket to an OmniMax movie (Forces of Nature)
-A ticket to a chick flick the Civee wanted to see (I’d rather not say the title)
-Three cough drops
-An instruction book for a Swiss Army Knife
-A valet parking receipt (never redeemed) from when I drove myself to the hospital barefoot after breaking my ankle
And best of all:
-A weezer bumper sticker

Bonus!

So I have the Internet again and power has been restored to the Kingdom.

It’s been an entertaining past two weeks. Got married and moved.

The wedding was great. Everyone had a great time.

The move is over. I’m slowly getting used to a brand new version of everyday life which I like better than the previous everyday.

And the new place is fun.

Although, today, there was some extreme severe weather in central Ohio. I’m talking about huge hailstones, thunder and lightning and possible tornadoes.

As the tornado sirens were going off, the Civee and I tuned into one of the local news stations to get the scoop. The meteorologist was going over the warning, and listed only one street in all of Columbus in the tornadoes’ path: West Sixth Avenue.

I now live on West Sixth Avenue.

Like I said, it’s been an entertaining two weeks.

…until the Yankees play the Devil Rays in Tampa.

Well, actually, something else is happening on Saturday.

I’m getting married. Strangely, I don’t feel nervous, just a strange mixture of calm and excitement.

Because of the goings-on, I won’t be around Internet land for a while. And it’ll take a week or two to get cable and Internet at the new place, so this may be the last Kingdom update for a while.

Even though I won’t be around, the core principles of the kingdom will stand. Those principles being:

-Weezer rocks (and is not broken up).
-The Yankees Rule (And Jack Nicholson can wear whatever cap he wants)
-You don’t mess with Jack Bauer (and to those of you looking for the First Lady of Cleavage, thanks for visiting!)
-Flight 815 crashed onto an island of Homer Simpson worshippers
(Pneumatic Tubes are the only thing that make sense on mystery island)

I thought I had more to say than that, but I don’t. So, I’ll see you all soon. And I’ll leave you with the immortal words of Dr. Frasier Crane, which spell out my views on this weekend:

You know, on the way over, I decided to listen to a rock station to get into the mood. And I heard a line in one of those tribal passages that I thought was the keynote for this evening. “Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.”

I forgot today was Talk Like a Pirate Day until I saw a co-worker with a Pirate Pez dispenser.

But I made up for it by saying “Ahoy!” to enough people to make them think there was something wrong with me.

Too bad they couldn’t have made the day September 23rd instead of the 19th.

A few weeks ago, the Civee and I watched Chinatown. We weren’t impressed. My faith in Jack Nicholson, however, is restored after reading this (from contact music):

Lifelong New York Yankees fan Jack Nicholson refused to wear a baseball cap sporting the badge of his team’s rivals for his role as a Boston, Massachusetts, gangster…Director Martin Scorsese suggested the movie legend wear a Boston Red Sox cap for one pivotal scene, but backed down when New Yorker Nicholson insisted he wouldn’t wear the head gear out of loyalty to the Yankees.

Works for me. Red Sox fans have already proven to me that they can’t handle the truth.

The last month has seen two of my favorite wrestlers say goodbye to the business.

A few weeks ago, the WWF/WWE released Kurt Angle.

Now, The Rock is saying he’ll never wrestle again. From insidepulse:

Is The Rock done with wrestling? According to reports at WrestlingObserver and PWInsider from Dwayne Johnson’s appearance on ESPN2’s “Cold Pizza” this morning, the answer is yes. On the show, he said that he had no plans to return to wrestling even though he misses performing in front of the live crowds, since he has accomplished all he could in the sport that he loved and grew up in. The Rock went on to say that he wanted new challenges, and realized four years ago it was time to move on.

Even in limited doses, like his last appearance, at WrestleMania XX, where he had a few weeks exposure prior to the event, the Rock is gold. He had a great interview before the match, and an amazing match (for a 2-on-3 tag match).

And Angle could wrestle a baseball bat and put on a great show.

Between the two of them, Chris Jericho retiring, and Chris Benoit jobbing to Bradshaw, I don’t have much to look forward to. Good thing I don’t watch every week like I used to.

A new red light camera went up on a major street near where I live.

The city has been putting in a lot of these cameras lately. Usually, I wouldn’t think anything of it, especially since I’m moving in less than a month.

However, the camera is pointed right at the spot where a fitness club holds some intereting promotions periodically.

I hope that’s not an abuse of power or anything.