Category: Uncategorized

So a bunch of scientists get together and destroy a planet.

Well, not really. That would require one of the Death Stars. But Pluto is no longer classified as a planet.

I’m looking forward to the day when I can tell my kids “Back when I was your age, there were nine planets in our solar system!” It will be the “walked nine miles in the snow uphill” of our generation.

This story reminds me of something I came across a while back, the Top 10 scientifically feasible ways to destroy the earth.

An article like that sounds like it should have scary music in the background, but no, there’s only scientific theories.

And no Death Star.

Congratulations to fellow Jamootzer ‘Dangerous’ DJL for being mentioned in a story on espn.com on simulated baseball leagues.

I also belong to the Ohio Old Time Strat-o-matic League (as the Yankees, naturally), and it’s nice to see our little old timey league make the big time. It’s also nice to see something that djl worked so hard on get some recognition.

The league is fun and things like this make absorbing all the jokes from the peanut gallery of my life worth it.

For someone who’s been called an “obnixous Yankees fan,” I really don’t write much about baseball.

Well, I don’t know how much this post will be about actual baseball, but I can try.

One thing that really bugs me is off days. Nevermind the whole bunch of off-days between October and February. But this year, it feels like the Yankees have been hit with off days at the most inopportune times. First, there was the Thursday after the All Star game. Four days without a Yankees game. And the second one that comes to mind is obviously yesterday. The day of the trading deadline, right after the Yankees made a great trade, I have to wait to see the team in action.

It just doesn’t feel right.

I suppose I could have turned on the TV last night and watch some other team (which I did for a while), but it isn’t the same. I pay to let MLB kick my ass subscribe to the extra innings package on cable, and forgive me for being a Yankees snob, but all of the Fox regional sports broadcasts are unwatchable. You have the endless promos, the random local celebrities in the broadcast booth for an inning or two, and the in-the-stands reporter talking about anything but the game. I don’t know if it’s me, but it feels like YES doesn’t do that–or as much as the Fox clones do. Either way, I think it’s easier to watch your favorite team from the home team broadcasters, rather than the opposing team, or even a national broadcaster (and don’t get me started on Jon Miller and his over-enunciation of ethnic names).

So tonight, I’m just going to kick back, turn on the extra innings, and hope that they’re showing the YES feed. Otherwise, it could be a long night.

This afternoon, there was a gaggle of nutjobs conspiracy theorists misinformed people protesting outside my place of work.

I wanted to go outside, shake my fists and chant a few rounds of “Kill Whitey,” but I didn’t–it was like 100+ degrees F outside!

Just got home.

Something different was in the air: silence.

The beep is gone. And I am happy at the prospect of a decent night’s sleep tonight.

Had the beep continued, I was considering giving my next blog entry the titualr line of “I Can’t Fight This Beeping Anymore” after the horrible, horrible song with a similar titular line.

The saga of the beep is getting worse.

The whatever device in my neighbor’s apartment kept up it’s every ten second beeping pattern until about 5:30 this morning. At 5:30, the device started one long, much louder, uninterrupted beep that has continued until at least noon.

The only thing I can think of it being is their smoke detector is running low on batteries. But eventually, they’d have to run out- wouldn’t they?

It’s like Chinese water torture, but with sound. If I go crazy, you won’t have to wonder why. It’s because of this beep.

My life is becoming a Seinfeld episode.

Starting Thursday afternoon, I started noticing this beep coming from the apartment next to mine. Every ten seconds, I’d hear this loud, sharp beep from next door. It’s loud enough you can hear it in the hall way and throughout my apartment. And it’s just one quick beep every ten seconds.

Well, I haven’t seen my neighbors all week. And the beep has continued day and night, annoying the hell out of me.

Unlike Elaine and the alarm clock, I don’t think there are any shared outlets between the two apartments. And I don’t have a crazy Kramer-style neighbor I can convince to stick a paperclip in a socket, even if there was one.

Say this started Thursday afternoon around 5. Since then, it’s beeped more than 16,000 times.

So I’m left being driven crazy by this beep-wondering two things:

-What kind of device beeps every ten seconds for days on end?

-What type of sadistic mind would invent a device that beeps every ten seconds for days on end?

If any one knows, please tell me.

The Kingdom would like to wish a happy birthday to the United States of America. I hope everyone out there has a great Fourth of July. I’m just happy to have electricity again.

Also, Happy Birthday to George Steinbrenner. Another candle in the big calzone for the Boss.

I live between two quasi-major roads, each with their fair share of shopping plazas.

Occasionally, establishments at various plazas will dress up some yahoo in an outfit and have them standing by the curb, jumping up and down and waving at cars in an effort to drum up business. I’ve seen this in all seasons, in the freezing cold and the sweltering heat.

In the past I’ve seen:
-A tax preparation service dress up people like the Statue of Liberty or Uncle Sam
-A Halloween Costume place dress up kids like the Incredibles
-A restaurant dress up people like giant hamburgers and hot dogs

And today, I saw two scantily clad young ladies bouncing up and down to publicize a gym while walking to pick up my car (nevermind the fact that when walking by, I heard a car slam on its breaks while passing by and almost causing an accident).

Of those four, the last is the only one that I think would get people’s interest–and that’s only half of the gym’s potential audience.

But other than that, does this type of exercise really have any appeal? Does seeing Lady Liberty holding her torch high in freezing weather make you think “gee, I gotta get my taxes done right this minute!”? Does seeing a guy dressed up like a giant hamburger make you hungry? Does seeing two women jumping up and down make you want to pump iron?

I just think it makes these poor saps look like shmucks and makes me angry at those people who slow down to look, wave or honk.