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I live between two quasi-major roads, each with their fair share of shopping plazas.

Occasionally, establishments at various plazas will dress up some yahoo in an outfit and have them standing by the curb, jumping up and down and waving at cars in an effort to drum up business. I’ve seen this in all seasons, in the freezing cold and the sweltering heat.

In the past I’ve seen:
-A tax preparation service dress up people like the Statue of Liberty or Uncle Sam
-A Halloween Costume place dress up kids like the Incredibles
-A restaurant dress up people like giant hamburgers and hot dogs

And today, I saw two scantily clad young ladies bouncing up and down to publicize a gym while walking to pick up my car (nevermind the fact that when walking by, I heard a car slam on its breaks while passing by and almost causing an accident).

Of those four, the last is the only one that I think would get people’s interest–and that’s only half of the gym’s potential audience.

But other than that, does this type of exercise really have any appeal? Does seeing Lady Liberty holding her torch high in freezing weather make you think “gee, I gotta get my taxes done right this minute!”? Does seeing a guy dressed up like a giant hamburger make you hungry? Does seeing two women jumping up and down make you want to pump iron?

I just think it makes these poor saps look like shmucks and makes me angry at those people who slow down to look, wave or honk.

While driving in downtown Columbus this afternoon, I saw a man riding one of those Segway scooters.

It was not this man:

I’ve heard the phrase herdin’ cats many times in my life. I always thought it was a ridiculous phrase, until today, when I actually herded a cat. Well, I still think it’s ridiculous phrase, but the act of herding a cat isn’t that difficult.

I have a neighbor (not the weird one) who has a cat. The neighbor lets the cat roam the hallways of our apartment building when he (the neighbor, that is) is away at work. People don’t mind, because Ripken (the cat, although if it were mine, I would have named it Jeter, Alvaro or even Meacham) is a nice cat and doesn’t leave any deposits in the hallway.

Anyway, this morning, I was leaving for work, when I remembered just as I was opening the door, to take the trash out. So I walked back to my kitchen, took the bag out of the trashcan, tied it up and walked back out, when I heard a meow coming from my bedroom. With a full trashbag in hand, and my work satchel in the other, I followed the meows, to find Ripken under my bed. I kind of comically chased him out, trying to block his way as we went, so that he wouldn’t explore my apartment further.

Even with my hands full, I managed to get him out, and I have to admit, it was quite fun. But herding the cat wasn’t difficult. From all the times I had heard the phrase, I thought it would be some insurmountable task. But if I can do it, so can you.

So the next time someone uses the phrase “herdin cats,” just think that obviously, they should color themselves shamed–and if I had a metaphor tree out back, I could go on all day. You get the idea.

While I’m no Brodie Bruce, I was pretty big into comic books at one point in my life.

Beginning in the mid-eighties and lasting through the end of high school, I spent way too much money on comic books, most of which I still have. My favorite book, which I have a still near-encyclopedic memory of, is the X-Men. So, I’m extremely familiar with all of the X-Men characters and storylines from the beginning until about 1995 or so.

I’ve enjoyed the X-Men movie franchise. With X3 being titled “The Last Stand” and a lot of scuttlebutt about how this is the end of the franchise, I walked into the theater expecting to be disappointed. I was actually surprised by my reaction to the movie.
Continue reading “I’ve got a fever. And the prescription is more Colossus.” →

I am not, nor have I ever been a member of the Secret Wars Re-Enactment Society.

Although, I may have been if such a thing existed back when I was in high school.

Had a nice long weekend that wasn’t long enough. The following thoughts occurred to me (I had more thoughts than these, but these are the only ones I care to share for now):

-Went to a pool. For the first time in my life, I stayed in the pool during adult swim. It wasn’t the moment of triumph that I thought it would be when I was younger. Still, it was pretty fun to stay in the pool while all the little kids had to get out.

Saw two movies. I’ll write more on one of them (X3, or whatever they’re calling it) later. But I do have two questions about trailers I saw:

-This is the second time I’ve seen the trailer for Snakes on a Plane. Both times the audience laughed hysterically. Is this movie supposed to be intentionally funny?

-Also saw the trailer for Nacho Libre. I do plan on seeing this one. But doesn’t the title translate into “Free Chips”? Are they giving out free chips at every screening? If so, this could be the greatest marketing campaign ever.

Ever notice how sometimes life imitates Seinfeld?

Just like George belatedly came up with a witty retort to a co-worker’s zing, I now have a comeback to all those kids who, in elementary school, told me that their dad could beat up my dad. Not that that actually happened. In fact, I don’t think I was ever told that. But now, at least, if someone were to say to me that their dad could beat up my dad, I could say in response, “well, yeah, but my dad knows someone who is good friends with Tito Santana.”

The Civee and I went out to Jersey this past weekend for a friend’s wedding. We stayed one night at my father’s house, and he had some gifts for us. One of the things that King Classic gave me is this:

The writing reads “To Thomas, From Tito Santana. Arriba!”

I don’t know what’s the best part about this story- that my father knows someone who’s friends with Tito Santana, or that Tito wrote Arriba! as part of the autograph.

Of course, if this is just something made up like that time when I was seven and my uncle said his cop friend was using KITT for the weekend (my uncle was hiding in the back seat as the car talked to me), I’ll be scarred for life.

Either way, this is now a prized item in my collection of stuff. Possibly the best thing since I found my LP copy of the Addams Groove.

(the weekly 24 post is below this entry)

So I went with B.Vaughn and his wife who dares call me a nerd to a live WWE event, Monday Night Raw.

I’m sure I’ve said before that I don’t watch wrestling as much as I used to–partially because some of my favorite wrestlers are gone, partially because the storylines are horrible and mostly because I don’t care for the wrestlers who they choose to feature all the damn time. Continue reading “It’ll always be wrestling to me” →

I have this weird neighbor.

The guy’s not Kramer-level weird, but he’s not quite serial-killer level weird. He’s lived in the building for more than 10 years, he doesn’t have a car and it’s impossible to encounter him without being pulled into a conversation.

He seems like a nice guy and all, but he always wants to talk about the weather, and every time I’ve talked to him throughout the past six years, he’s used the phrase “never a dull moment.” It’s like his catchphrase or something.

I was doing some laundry, and saw him a bunch of times walking through the halls carrying stacks of things- DVDs, books, posters. I finally asked him if he was becoming a minimalist or something, and he said he was moving. Across the street.

So this probably means that at six years, I now have lived in this building the longest. It would be depressing if I wasn’t moving out in September.

After recently checking my referrer log, I noticed I’ve been getting a few hits from China.

All of these hits are coming from a Chinese-language Google ripoff, called baidu. Apparently, the image of my foot in a splint makes the first page of results. However, judging by what else comes up when you search for foot, I don’t know if that’s a good thing (here’s a hint- don’t search the site if you’re at work).

The individual results page is safe, although I hope all the Chinese text doesn’t tell the story of how some tall lanky jackass broke his ankle falling off a treadmill.