Report from the Dark Ages

Last weekend, The Civee and I left town to attend a wedding.  When we drove back Sunday, the remnants of a hurricane were sweeping through the area, knocking down whole trees (one of which just missed our car as we were driving down a two-lane quasi-country highway), ripping signs off billboards and inconveniencing people everywhere.  

When we got home, things were fine, but after a few minutes, we lost our cable (which also meant no phone or Internet).  We were lucky not to lose power, because I know a lot of people who did.  But it’s weird going a few days with no internet or not being able to fast forward through commercials.

And believe it or not, I actually had a few things to blog about. Now if only I can remember what they were I might get on a posting roll again.

King Tom

Those Two Little Words

On a scale of 1-10, my interest in football ranks about a 1.  And my interest in college football is even lower.

Which makes me about one of ten people in Columbus Ohio who does something different every Saturday when the local college team has a game.  For my first few years here, I was indifferent.  I just didn’t care.  But my view has changed.  As I said previously:

I admit that I’m an obnixous Yankees fan. But there are times in Columbus, when listening to people talk about the local college football team that I feel uncomfortable.

I wrote that last October, and I still feel that way.  There are certain things that drive me crazy, one of which is the use of the phrase “go bucks.” People use it to start and end sentences as well as everything in between. It’s used as a salutation and a departing greeting.  But what it really does is drives me crazy and encourages me to commit violence.  If I knew anything about college football, I’d probably have something to throw something back in their faces, but until then I’m left searching for a witty rejoinder as I stew, waiting for the madness to end.

King Tom6 Comments

The Grill of My Dreams

 

King Toms Weber Grill

 

As I mentioned last week, the old grill died.  

 

It wasn’t a painful death, just one rendering the old grill useless.  The handle broke off, which, at first, didn’t appear to be a problem. Until I realized that the handle was attached to the ‘shelf’ the grill grate rested on, meaning that unless I wanted to counter-balance the grate with a rock, the grate would remain slanted with one end in the air and the other in the fire.  No way to cook over hot coals.

So The Civee and I bit the bullet and invested in a genuine American Weber charcoal kettle grill (pictured).  And it’s completely revolutionized my grilling experience. 

The ventilation is perfect for cooking over flaming coals, with the air going up through the device, rather than from side-to-side.  Additionally, with a 24-inch diameter cooking surface, there’s plenty of room to do a main course, vegetables, and whatever else I want to throw on there.  And, most importantly, there’s space between the coals and the food (great if I want to throw something, like, say an artichoke down there).

So far in the two or so weeks we’ve had it, we’ve made chicken, pork, potatoes, corn, turkeyburgers, steak, salmon on a plank and porkchops on a plank.  

Cooking on the old grill was always fun, to an extent. But things would get crowded, or the heat would slowly die if I closed the top.  Now, I don’t have to worry, because here’s a grill that was designed to cook with a top on (revolutionary idea).

Now, if only the days weren’t getting shorter and the weather wasn’t getting colder, I’d have some more time to enjoy the new grill.

King Tom4 Comments

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Long time no blog.

Not because stuff hasn’t happened, but I just really haven’t felt the desire to blog.

I got a new grill.

Went canoeing with The Civee. 

Watched the Olympics, and parts of two political conventions (and I’m still on a sleep deficit from the Olympics to this day).  And I’m still watching the Yankees, even if they don’t have a chance for the playoffs this year.

But I’m still around.  Hopefully I’ll start blogging again soon.  The new grill is great. Maybe I’ll write about that sometime soon.

King Tom

Carrying the Torch for Comedy

In case you haven’t been paying attention for the last 16 years, NBC has had broadcast rights to the Olympics (excluding the ’94 and ’94 Winter Games). Cross-promotion is in full effect even in years when there are no Olympics (I’m guessing those are the Olympic rings permanently affixed to the NBC on-air bug).

But during the games, it’s a bit different. Usually, NBC will pick one show (most of the time, a comedy), and run commercials that are actually, not annoying. To wit, the following promo has been running this summer where Michael Scott says what everyone thinks about beach volleyball:

It looks like there are only a handful of The Office Olympic promos, which is a shame, because The Office creative staff can do some pretty funny stuff.

The best set of Olympic promos came out in ’92, when NBC enlisted the cast of Seinfeld to…um, carry the torch.

They’re not on YouTube, but transcripts are available on Usenet (remember that, kiddies). Here are some of the highlights:

Jerry sitting by his computer in his apartment.
Jerry: Do you know the correct pronunciation of Barcelona is actually
       Barthelona?  That’s because, many years ago, the King of Spain
       spoke with a lisp and the members of the court, trying to curry
       favor with the King, adopted his unusual speech pattern.  Absolutely
       true.  Just a piece of Olympic trivia for you.  I’m Jerry Theinfeld.  

Jerry interviewing a gymnast, with the Olympic rings and the NBC logo
in the background.
Jerry:  I’m here with 8 year old Kathy Kwan, star of the gymnastic
        team.  You must be looking forward to the games, Kathy.
Kathy:  Yes, those games are very special to me.  As I will retire
        when they’re over.
Jerry:  Retire?  You’re kidding.
Kathy:  I’m not 6 anymore.  Besides you have to give those
        youngsters a chance to make their mark.  
Jerry:  What are your plans for the future?
Kathy:  I like to spend more time with my parents and watch them
        grow up.

Jerry and George in the Cafe.  
Jerry:     Pass the cream, George.
The guy with the torch runs comes in.
George:    Hey, look.
Torch Guy: Hi, maybe you can help me, I’m lost.  Do either of you know
           the way to Barcelona from here?
Jerry:     Well, I’d take the West Side Highway to the Cross Bronx.
George:    Hold, Hold.  What are you nuts, at this time of the day.  Listen
           to me.  Take the FDR to the Major Deagan.
Jerry:     What are you talking about, the FDR is under construction.
George:    He’s running.

For a script of all the Seinfeld Olympic Promos, visit this page from the alt.tv.seinfeld archive.

King Tom

Drunken Irabu Beats Up Bartender and I Reap the Rewards

I know I’m a day late with this, but former Yankee hurler Hideki Irabu has been arrested in Japan for drunkenly beating up a bartender.  Or beating up a bartender drunkenly.  The key points of this story: he was drunk, and he beat up a bartender (not to mention downing 20 mugs of beer and afterwards, paying for the damage).  From Yankee Blogger Pete Abraham:

Former New York Yankees pitcher Hideki Irabu was arrested Wednesday for allegedly assaulting a bartender after drinking 20 mugs of beer, a police official said.Irabu, 39, became angered after his credit card was rejected. He then allegedly pushed the bartender against the wall, pulled his hair and smashed at least nine liquor bottles at a bar in Osaka, western Japan, a police official said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

The bartender sustained no injuries. Irabu paid the bill with another credit card. The police official said Irabu admitted the assault.

I feel compelled to report this because I sponsor Irabu’s Baseball Reference page, and have noticed a slight uptick in the number of visitors in the past day. 

As noted on the page, I still have two Irabu t-shirts (but I don’t remember the last time I wore either). The New York Times tried to check in with Irabu a few months ago, and I wrote about it here.

King Tom

The System Is Down

This afternoon, upon returning to to work from my Hour of Me, something was awry- the e-mail server was down.  No one could send or receive e-mails.  If you wanted to talk to a co-worker, you had to call them, or (gasp!) walk to their office.

I have to admit, it was a very productive few hours.  Of course, when the system came back up (with just a half-hour to go in the day), I was slammed with requests to do (whatever) now.

After experiencing an e-mail blackout for a few hours, I wouldn’t mind, maybe once a month, a whole day of not having e-mail.  It would allow me to catch up on all the little things that immediate communication puts a damper on.  Of course, the next day, I’d probably need another catch-up day to go through all the e-mail I missed the day before.

King Tom

If You're Going to the Ohio State Fair

Do yourselves a favor and get a porkburger (or as they call it, “The Other Burger”).  Easily beats the pants off of corn dogs, turkey legs, ears of corn, funnel cakes or any other type of fair food.

Had to work there again for a few days this year, and it was a bit underwhelming.  There wasn’t a governor going down the giant slide, nor was a woman asking me to get her dying husband into the free Grand Funk concert.

But considering it’s been hot and is supposed to get hotter, I’m glad my fair days are over for this year.

King Tom3 Comments

The Gateway Drug

The computer on which I write entries for the Kingdom and do most of my Web surfing is a six-year-old Gateway model running Windows XP.  Only in the past year has it started to like it’s slowing down, and sometime in the next year or so, The Civee and I would like to get a new computer.

As hinted at yesterday, I have tremendous product loyalty.  I’m not stupid, I just follow the brands that are good to me.  Since the early 90s, I’ve had two Gateways of my own, as well as the use of my parents and siblings computers, all Gateways.  And I’ve never had a problem with the machines. 

One of the most enjoyable aspects of getting my current computer was customizing what I wanted in the box, and anxiously awaiting its delivery.

Every now and then, with the prospect of a new computer on the horizon, I’ll go to Gateway’s Web site and play around with the options.   But when I went to the site today, something was different- you couldn’t play around.  Gateway has changed to an indirect sales company. Last year, Gateway was acquired by another computer manufacturer, and I guess this is the first sign of a major change under the new ownership.

The company’s computers are still offered through other outlets (like Costco the Great), but without being able to customize, it’s just not the same.  With the change in ownership, this isn’t really surprising, but rather, disappointing.

Now, I’m actually considering changing brands when it is time to go computer shopping. Does anyone out there have any computer brands they reccomend? 

Two caveats:

I don’t trust HP desktops, mostly because I’ve always found Compaqs useless.

And I’m not sure I trust Dell either, ever since Rivers Cuomo started keeping score:

King Tom

You'd Hate For The Kids To Think You Lost Your Cuil

This morning while riding into work with The Civee, a report came on NPR about this new search engine launched today by former Google employees (while The Civee and I drive in to work everyday, we don’t really listen to NPR that often–or as often as The Civee would like).

We started a discussion about whether another search engine could supplant Google both functionally and culturally.  I argued no, saying that Google was simple, quick and easy to use.  But The Civee chose to take a different approach, calling me out for my “blind loyalty” and saying it was possible for a search engine to be better than Google.

Not wanting to be accused of being closed minded, I tried out the new search engine, called Cuil.  I have to admit I was unimpressed.

First of all, the search results come back in a table format (rather than a list).  With the page title, a paragraph and sometimes an image coming back with the results, I didn’t know what to check out first.  Also, many of the search results were repeated, which was annoying.  Cuil presents itself as the search engine for the next decade. But last time I checked, we’re still in the aughts and people still like lists.

However, rather than a misplaced sense of time, Cuil’s biggest offense is what it leaves out.  After googling, I’m sorry, Cuil-ing (is that even a word) King Tom’s Kingdom, I got 0 results. Cuil claims to have an index of 120 billion Web pages.  I think the Kingdom is a little more prominent than the 120,000,000,001th page on the Web, don’t you think?

King Tom