Author: King Tom

Jack Bauer thanks NO academy

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I watched an Awards Show.

There was nothing else on, other than the Emmys on NBC and watching it seemed like a couple-y thing to do.

Having Conan host it made it bearable. But what made it worth it was The Office winning Best Comedy, 24 winning Best Drama and Jack Bauer Kiefer Sutherland winning Best Actor honors. Usually, I don’t care about these things, but it’s nice to see the shows I watch get recognized.

I don’t see Jack trading in his magical cell phone for an Emmy trophy, but I do think sometime during the next season, they should work in a scene where Jack beats up some evil-doer with a trophy of some kind.

I should note that all this attention drawn to 24 has been good for Web traffic to the kingdom. In the past day, I’ve gotten a buttload of hits from google for people searching for Jean Smart +cleavage.

To quote the janitor who walked in on Frank Drebin while he was changing in the umpire’s locker room, “sorry, fellas.”

All these hits make me wonder about the hits I’d get should I write about other female celebrities. Could you imagine the numbers I’d get if I wrote about Annie Potts’ ankles? Or Sally Field’s earlobes? Or Lisa Loeb’s inner elbows?

It boggles the mind.

King Tom4 Comments

Planetary Re-Alignment

So a bunch of scientists get together and destroy a planet.

Well, not really. That would require one of the Death Stars. But Pluto is no longer classified as a planet.

I’m looking forward to the day when I can tell my kids “Back when I was your age, there were nine planets in our solar system!” It will be the “walked nine miles in the snow uphill” of our generation.

This story reminds me of something I came across a while back, the Top 10 scientifically feasible ways to destroy the earth.

An article like that sounds like it should have scary music in the background, but no, there’s only scientific theories.

And no Death Star.

King Tom

Whoo!

So yesterday was the second annual Summer Slam fiesta at Iron Mike’s CribZoneTM.

It was a good show, with some conusing booking. Two moments still put a smile on my face a day later:

-Ric Flair shouting out a loud “WHACK!” while punching Mick Foley.

-Vince and Shane McMahon nailing Shawn Michaels with (in succession) the Demolition Decapitation, Hart Attack and whatever the Legion of Doom’s finisher was called.

Those two events made that pay-per-view.

King Tom

Old Timey, Big Timey

Congratulations to fellow Jamootzer ‘Dangerous’ DJL for being mentioned in a story on espn.com on simulated baseball leagues.

I also belong to the Ohio Old Time Strat-o-matic League (as the Yankees, naturally), and it’s nice to see our little old timey league make the big time. It’s also nice to see something that djl worked so hard on get some recognition.

The league is fun and things like this make absorbing all the jokes from the peanut gallery of my life worth it.

King Tom

Abundance of stupidity

How to win friends and influence people, RIAA style:

Step 1: Sue a bunch of random people on vague claims of copyright infringement.

Step 2: In the event that a defendant dies, file a motion for a 60-day extension in the case to give his or her family time to grieve.

Step 3: Out of a self-proclaimed “abundance of sensitivity,” drop the case.

Sometimes it feels like the recording industry is a goldmine for bad karma. As if past actions such as:

-suing customers
-abusing their copyright rights
-denying artists their creative rights
-keeping artists tied to unconsciable contracts
-and promoting crappy music nonstop at the expense of good music

weren’t enough, they go and do something like this. I suppose out of my own personal “abundance of sensitivity,” I should congratulate them for dropping the case, but I’m not a sensitive person.

King Tom

Waiting and waiting

For someone who’s been called an “obnixous Yankees fan,” I really don’t write much about baseball.

Well, I don’t know how much this post will be about actual baseball, but I can try.

One thing that really bugs me is off days. Nevermind the whole bunch of off-days between October and February. But this year, it feels like the Yankees have been hit with off days at the most inopportune times. First, there was the Thursday after the All Star game. Four days without a Yankees game. And the second one that comes to mind is obviously yesterday. The day of the trading deadline, right after the Yankees made a great trade, I have to wait to see the team in action.

It just doesn’t feel right.

I suppose I could have turned on the TV last night and watch some other team (which I did for a while), but it isn’t the same. I pay to let MLB kick my ass subscribe to the extra innings package on cable, and forgive me for being a Yankees snob, but all of the Fox regional sports broadcasts are unwatchable. You have the endless promos, the random local celebrities in the broadcast booth for an inning or two, and the in-the-stands reporter talking about anything but the game. I don’t know if it’s me, but it feels like YES doesn’t do that–or as much as the Fox clones do. Either way, I think it’s easier to watch your favorite team from the home team broadcasters, rather than the opposing team, or even a national broadcaster (and don’t get me started on Jon Miller and his over-enunciation of ethnic names).

So tonight, I’m just going to kick back, turn on the extra innings, and hope that they’re showing the YES feed. Otherwise, it could be a long night.

King Tom

Power to the people!

This afternoon, there was a gaggle of nutjobs conspiracy theorists misinformed people protesting outside my place of work.

I wanted to go outside, shake my fists and chant a few rounds of “Kill Whitey,” but I didn’t–it was like 100+ degrees F outside!

King Tom

The final word, for now.

Well, it looks like the music media was wrong and weezer isn’t breaking up.

From Rivers’ blog:

“I certainly don’t see them becoming Weezer songs.” This is a misquote. The writer unfortunately didn’t record my words exactly but rather paraphrased them according to his understanding–and sometimes misunderstanding. In this particular case, what I meant was that the soccer song, “Our Time will Come”, certainly won’t be on a Weezer album. The verses are about particular players and situations in US Soccer history and wouldn’t be appropriate for that purpose. I imagine it would be recorded by Weezer and given directly to the soccer federation. The rest of the songs, though, are definite contenders for a Weezer record.

People can stop telling me they’re sorry.

King Tom

The Drummer Speaks

Ever since that infamous MTV interview first appeared two weeks ago, I’ve had a number of people I know (and some I don’t) tell me they’re sorry that weezer’s breaking up.

The condolences are nice, but unnecessary. =w= drummer (and the only member of the band I haven’t met)Pat Wilson posted an interesting response on his blog:

What is up with all the crazy bad journalism drawn from Rivers interview? I can assure you that =w= is fully intact. I know this because I am in Weezer. The glaring proof that today’s media is shallow reveals itself in this simple fact: not one person called me to ask my opinion. Which is cool cuz I would have made up some fantastic lie about becoming an Antarctic explorer.

Of course, if he had told some MTV “journalist” that, he’d be on the next airplane to the South Pole.

King Tom